KEEP CALM IT'S ONLY A CLEFT!

This morning I read a few articles written by various medics and non-medics here in Hong Kong and instead of being excited over awareness being brought to clefts, I am rather cross at how negatively the topic of cleft was approached.


If I were not aware of cleft and had just been diagnosed and read the articles I am referring to, it would have scared the living day lights out of me.   I personally think that parents who are diagnosed will want to know

What is a cleft?
Why does my baby have a cleft?
How do we help our baby repair the cleft?

Rehashing the same material that is published in a medical journal instead of being aware of your target audience is just being lazy!  Going into detail about the different instruments used during procedure that your child won't require (if he requires at all) for many years is in my view unnecessary for the newly diagnosed parent.  I chose not to google cleft palate procedure because I don't want to know in detail what instrument will be used on Ultan, where the incision will be in Ultan palate, how much bleeding Ultan will have.  I chose Dr Lam Lai Kun to use the knowledge he aquired through medical school to perform his art.

I wish when an article on clefts is written to the general public, it would be very clear that treatment can only be determined once a precise diagnoses is made.  It is then and only then can course of individual treatment be discussed for the individual patient.

I wish when an article is written by a medic, that they would make it clear that that cause of clefts is unknown and actually very little is known within the scientific field.  I wish they would make if clear that within the science field they are still unsure of the best way to treat different types of clefts.  But they are doing their best with the information that they have.

I would much rather read about the importance of parenting.  I would LOVE for an article to be written on the importance of loving your child who was born with a cleft as you would love your child who was born without a cleft.  I would love to read an article on the importance of supportive parents, family and friends and how this support network will be an important aspect on your child psychological and social development.  But wait, isn't all children's psychological and social development reliant of being surrounded by loving supportive family and friends. My point is, why would your treat your child who was born with a cleft any different?!

In this part of the world, a lot of the published research revolves around social acceptance.  But, don't we want all of our children to be socially accepted?!  As a parent, we never want our children to be bullied nor do we want them to be a bully.  We parent our children to grow up to be happy, healthy, generous, productive beings.  As a parent, I try to expose my children to as much as possible so they will have varied interests.  I hope that they will find "something they love, and love doing it".

I read stories about parents finding it difficult to accept their child's scar and it makes me so cross.  My second born son broke his arm and had to have surgery leaving him with 3 fairly severe scars on his arm.  Should I suddenly find it difficult to accept him because he no longer has 100% movement in his arm and has scars on view.  Seriously, people wake up to yourselves!  Do you seriously think that every parent around the world who has a child who plays Rugby, American Football, Australian Rules Football, Boxes, finds it difficult to accept their child when they get a scar!!!  It really makes me want to scream CALM DOWN, IT IS ONLY A CLEFT. Why are you trying to label your child as being imperfect when all he has is a mark on his face with a story behind it.

To the parent who has been diagnosed -  Ultan was born with a Cleft Lip and Palate and had to face unique challenges that most will not have to face in a lifetime.  He has had two surgeries and hopefully won't have anymore until his bone graft in 8/9 years.  He may or may not need speech therapy - not a big deal, plenty of non-cleft kids do too!  He may need orthodontic treatment but so will at least half his class in school -  not a big deal.  Love your cleft child like any other and medical stuff will just happen as it needs be.

Don't be mistaken that Ultan's (and it should be for any other kid born with a cleft) unique challenges will go against him in being accepted by his family or society.  Do not think that his unique scar will distract from him finding his interests, finding what he loves to do.   That scar, his scar, tells a story and everyone knows the Irish love to tell a story!   His scar, is part of him, a part of his character.  Ultan will always be brought up knowing how much we loved his first smile, how we love his second smile and how we love the story behind his scar.

Just remember, Everyone has a smile, only a few are lucky to have two :)