Of recent weeks, I have had a lovely schedule in the morning. We are - I think a very typical family. In the morning our house is filled with Mark and I having to repeat ourselves a thousand times trying to get the kids ready to go to school (I hope other households are the same!). But, once Sean and Kai are off to school, the peace within our home is immediate. Left with Ultan, I treasure our mornings alone together. It struck me just now that this morning was the last time I would chat with Ultan on our own with his first smile. (Tears are streaming down my face as I write this and I have a PCCW guy beside me fixing my cable probably thinking I am a mad woman in a dressing gown crying to a computer screen!!)
I have wondered why I have been so attached to Ultan's first smile.
I think when you are first pregnant, everything is so surreal. I was lucky enough to go through Sean's pregnancy with an incredible bunch of Ladies I met in the NCT London. When I think back, I was certainly naive as to what was to come. I was so focused on the pregnancy, which buggy to buy, what development was going to happen in the pregnancy that week that I didn't really think about the reality of having a baby or if I did think I had no idea of the reality. When Sean was born, he was in his Daddy's arms for 2 hours before I got to the recovery room and was able to hold him. Even being able to see him for the 2 hours, nothing compared me for when he would be placed in my arms. It was a moment when I can easily say that the power between mother and son felt like chains being wrapped around my heart and sealed with a padlock. Sean was locked into my heart and I knew that this love was unchangeable forever. I also now understood what it was like to be a parent and instantly felt sorry for any grief I may have caused my own Mom and Dad. I wonder would the other NCT girls agree?!
So when I found out we were pregnant with Kai, knowing now what love was like between a Mother and child, my attachment to Kai was instant from the moment I knew he existed. If anything I worried that I wouldn't love Kai as much as I loved Sean - could one have that much love?! When I got to hold Kai, and knew again that he too was locked into my heart, I turned to Mark and I told him of my euphoria and how I could have 7 children to which he replied promptly "with who" :)
So needless to say, Ultan was in our hearts from the moment we knew he existed. I was only 7 weeks pregnant when we saw him kick for the first time. This kick would have Ultan's Father believe in his son's strength even when a medic tried to tell him differently. Mark believing in Ultan at such an early stage will forever forge the strong bond between the two of them - a bond I now know my sons won't fully understand until they have children themselves (if they choose to!).
Mark and I fell in love with Ultan even before our 7 week scan. To be honest, we have waited for him for so long, we had fallen in love with him before he even existed. To be presented with the baby you have waited for years to meet, who you have loved for years, well, we just love him and that includes his cleft lip. We love his wide smile.
It is that simple, no science involved, we love his wide smile and therefore are finding it emotional to say goodbye to it. When I was bringing Kai home from Kindergarten this week, he said he was sad about Ultan getting a new smile because he would miss his old smile to which I replied "won't we all?"
Photos of Ultan chatting with me. Who wouldn't love hanging out with this wee man
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